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Post by Ganbare! on Dec 15, 2009 16:27:04 GMT -5
You are probably right, most of us have a long road ahead of us. However it's the first time I can truthfully see myself with somebody for the rest of my life, maybe she isn't my soulmate but the closest thing I'll ever come across. I always thought I'd be better off alone and subconsciously if I ever changed my mind I would marry a nice EA gal with a similar outlook on life but I'll most certainly never meet such a woman, I think there is no need to complicate my life further more with race. This pic was taken moments after catching the bridal bouquet..
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Post by midnightnovelist on Dec 16, 2009 13:11:47 GMT -5
I nominate this post as awesome. Very touching.
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missa
New Member
One Eye Blind, and One All Seeing Eye
Posts: 20
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Post by missa on Mar 3, 2010 17:25:26 GMT -5
hmmm... as a newbie in this forum who rearranged her perspective of love life n marriage idealism due to a loss of heart, of course this topic immediately caught my attention... but somehow it took me a while to respond... i have to admit... i hate not having a boyfriend or to be precise a partner of life. don't get me wrong, i'm not miserable because of not having one, I have a really good life, one might say it's almost perfect for me. what makes me miserable is... that i can't share this with the one that i love. as to finding a new one, i think it isn't fair for the new one, unless he'd understand that i just can't be in love with anyone anymore coz i really do hv decided on where that last stop of the heart is, unfortunately, my love is bigger n gets bigger everyday (even until today after such a long while), while his went the opposite direction in a very short while. should i find a new partner of life, simply coz i wanna be able to share my good life with one, and have this enormous craving to share my life in a more intimate way with one, then the aspects left for me to consider would be genetics (as in pheromone n immunity compatibility, symmetrical compatibility, and all such calculative things only meant for a more advanced new generation)... owh and believe it or not, i also consider genitalia compatibility... but i won't mention more of that if anyone finds that a lil vulgar to discuss (tho i think when discussed objectively it's quite interesting, and personally, amusing ) as for finance, i'm pretty much covered already (i really do have a good life), but i expect the guy to b covered as well just to make it fair ya know... so, maybe what i need isn't exactly a boyfriend coz from all that, i already know that i need to settle down, with someone who can b my life partner, he doesn't have to be my *soulmate* or sumthin like that, just as long as i can live with him and share with him. love shared is love doubled and pain shared is pain halved. rite and marriage to me is just protection offered by the law. why not? if it can benefit u... but anyhow, i kinda imagine myself living with a dog in a small apartment in quiet helsinki or buy a farm in new zealand n live with cows, sheep, n horses,... n a dog... n i'll spend my days reading n cooking n knitting... (i kinda feel somewhat frustrated now... )
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Post by FreckleFoot on Mar 4, 2010 6:51:04 GMT -5
I don't think relationships are necessary for one's happiness, but I do think it is nice to have the right one. i.e. Not just any relationship, but one that is beneficial to both parties. I don't think anyone needs to be in an abusive relationship, for example!
I think that some people who seek out relationships all the time have issues. I once knew a girl who couldn't bear to be single and would practically fling herself at anyone just to be in a relationship. The new boyfriend/girlfriend was always the 'love of her life' and then one or two weeks later it was over. A few days after that she would be raving about a new 'soul mate' and wondering out loud how she ever could have thought the last boy/girlfriend was 'the one'...
However, I do not think that desiring a relationship alone means you have something wrong with you. If you can be perfectly happy, content and feel complete alone, but would like to find a partner to enhance your life I don't think there is a problem. It is when you feel as if you need to have a relationship to be complete that it becomes an issue.
Like celltocell, I have always been attracted to older men since I was a teenager. I always seemed to be several steps ahead maturity-wise compared to the boys, though when a boy my age was mature I certainly became very attracted to him. Plus I had a very different idea of what was 'fun' from most teens. All anyone else wanted to do for fun was get deafened in a nightclub, dry hump each other under the disco lights then fall over and vomit from drinking too much. Not my thing. At all. I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs. I'm not into all that rap and R&B music. I don't enjoy vomiting everywhere and see no reason to boast about it the next morning. Yes, I did try to go with friends and enjoy it, but because I can't drink alcohol at all (no buzz and makes me severely ill because of my Asian genes) and am generally a shy person, I was basically sitting drinking juice, bored out of my mind while everyone around me flailed about on the dance floor and got pissed.
I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 28. Instant click. We had so much in common in every area we could think of: life experiences (despite him having more), personality, interests, beliefs, goals, etc. Of course, the moment his parents and friends found out they were saying, 'Don't do it! She'll only be with you a few months at most because she is too young to know what she wants! She's still a club-loving, alcoholic, drug-taking, nympho slut because she's 19!'... It wasn't until they saw that I was the complete opposite of what they imagined me to be that they warmed up to me.
I find many people are against age-gap relationships because of the level of development of each person. They say the older partner is already 'fully formed' whereas the younger one is still developing and will inevitably evolve into a different person and therefore move away from the older partner. While I would say this is true for under-22s (I believe I've read somewhere that's the age the mind has finished developing), I also observe that people are always changing and growing. Change and growth are more drastic at younger ages, but that does not mean that adults are static.
I also believe that people can grow with/towards each other. Growth doesn't only happen away from each other. Even if they do grow apart, people don't necessarily have to follow the same path all their lives to have a successful relationship. If they have expanded in a different direction, they have more to learn about each other and, if the change leads to difficulties, they learn how to compromise.
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Post by Ganbare! on Mar 4, 2010 7:06:31 GMT -5
We were born alone and we die alone as they say. Yet, I'm never as happy as when I'm around someone I truly care for, things like entertainment, material possessions, symbolic pleasure like status/pride or physical ones like sex appear so insignificant in comparison. I reunited with my gf I hadn't seen in more than six months, it was such an emotional bliss.
I definitely still need furthering my education, outlook on life and financial situation to be more complete/stable as an individual however when/if it happens, I'm pretty sure that having someone by my side will contribute to attain happiness.
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missa
New Member
One Eye Blind, and One All Seeing Eye
Posts: 20
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Post by missa on Mar 4, 2010 9:26:30 GMT -5
It has come to my attention that a lot girls do become more attracted to older guys. But in my case somehow I kinda like those cute, stay-young-looking boys. But, yeah, they give me a headache!! But, can't help it. They're just so cute... while older men also give me a headache coz then I question them: Well, what took u so long to be in this level of maturity? It's quite a common perception that girls do just happen to mature sooner than boys. I don't usually connect with anyone anyway be it younger or older. Always prefer to be on my own... or with a dog... they just stay loyal and oh-so-obedient. But I can't help wishing there's someone I could share a life with (intimately), someone I can have my adventures with, explore the world with, taste every pleasure with, deal with problems together... I seem to enjoy or suffer from things on my own.
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Post by admin on Mar 4, 2010 10:12:24 GMT -5
All anyone else wanted to do for fun was get deafened in a nightclub, dry hump each other under the disco lights then fall over and vomit from drinking too much. That sounds exactly like the Friday nights of my long-past youth. Minus the dry-humping.
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Post by bulaklak on Mar 4, 2010 22:49:31 GMT -5
I have a friend like that too, FreckleFoot. The worst part is when she is in-between boyfriends and won't stop moping.
I've gotten along fine without dating anyone so far. What would I do with boyfriend anyway? I'll enjoy my freedom for a few more years and start dating once I've graduated and found a stable job. Until then, I'm spending my friday nights bar hopping with my friends.
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Post by rob on Mar 5, 2010 11:36:34 GMT -5
I have a friend like that too, FreckleFoot. The worst part is when she is in-between boyfriends and won't stop moping. I've gotten along fine without dating anyone so far. What would I do with boyfriend anyway? I'll enjoy my freedom for a few more years and start dating once I've graduated and found a stable job. Until then, I'm spending my friday nights bar hopping with my friends. Dear God, I hope I have a daughter like you.
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Post by rob on Mar 5, 2010 12:28:36 GMT -5
All anyone else wanted to do for fun was get deafened in a nightclub, dry hump each other under the disco lights then fall over and vomit from drinking too much. That sounds exactly like the Friday nights of my long-past youth. Minus the dry-humping. hahah! I was one of those losers at the club wearing a full-length adidas track suit and bobbing my head close to but not actually on the dance floor. didn't drink much so when i was finished my bad-ass gangsta head-bobbing routine i'd always end up designated driver. serves me right
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Mar 10, 2010 0:14:47 GMT -5
Message to all you horny teenagers and early 20s peepz: Spend less time in relationships and pursuing them, spend more time developing yourself and chasing your dreams. [ advice i wish i'd followed at that age.
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Papa Alpha
Junior Member
Not all those who wander are lost
1/4 pirate, 1/4 ninja, 1/4 cowboy, 1/4 rockstar
Posts: 102
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Post by Papa Alpha on Mar 10, 2010 0:21:37 GMT -5
I need a dog.
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Post by missl83 on Apr 11, 2010 22:38:10 GMT -5
There are days where it just hits me in the face how alone I am. The part that is missing, what I've been longing for. But I don't have the ability to distinguish if I need a girlfriend or want one. I hate admitting this but it seems to be true, if you stop looking for love it will find you. For the longest time I've been looking for a girlfriend and it always went bad. So for now I just focus on getting my life together and career on track. Hi All! Im new to this forum. I just want to say that i dont agree with "you wil find love when you stop looking for it". I've never looked for love until the last year and during that time I wasnt looking for love, I never met anyone who I really liked. And I've only started looking now because Im at an age I would like to find someone and settle down with! For me, it was because I wasnt looking for love for so long that I missed all those opportunities that came my way. All throughout uni, I just kept turning guys down, half of which were such great guys and I now regret rejecting some of them, but its too late....because I'm now all alone and wishing I could be with someone I truely love. How I wish I could turn back the time!
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conorsoccr23
Junior Member
EAN Spelling Bee Winner!
Posts: 158
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Post by conorsoccr23 on May 25, 2010 20:01:59 GMT -5
people need to b strong and see themselves independently so ull fall for the right guy/girl
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