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Post by straylight on Oct 15, 2008 4:21:33 GMT -5
Just when I think I understand the EA experience, I really don't. I sympathize, especially since you desire to be part of your Asian culture a lot (I'm probably more in Altan's category, where I don't really think about it). I thought that maybe Asians didn't care, or maybe even liked having EA's around. I see some of other people's group pics here, and I see something I don't have at all -- a lot of parties with other Asians. A lot of Asian friends, etc.. So to read this is different. Didn't realize that some Asian people could be such jerks.
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Post by Micha on Oct 16, 2008 0:13:52 GMT -5
I have bloody joined University this year and there is an absolutely massive Asian community (because there is a campus in Ningbo, China and near KL, Malaysia). I've been making such an effort to talk to them with my very shocking one-liner Mandarin phrases but to no avail. I even talked to the Malaysians in Hokkien (fluent) and Cantonese. My cousins live in London and for the past few years have not socialised properly with white people which annoys me because all the whites here, although slightly ignorant at times, have tried so hard to make them feel welcome or at least have a chat but they revert back to their cliques where they continue to turn their noses up at Westerners. Absolutely no patience anymore.
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Post by Micha on Oct 16, 2008 0:24:24 GMT -5
..And Pandaroo, I feel EXACTLY the same... probably because I lived with my Asian family all my life but never had any Asian friends. I lived with my cousins and they constantly put down white people and at the same time classed me as white although I can speak more Chinese than them. I don't NEED to be accepted by them but when I had a Eurasian boyfriend that was very goodlooking and could speak Mandarin, my cousins actually made an effort even though he was a bit of a t***. When I dated a full Asian guy they were hooked. My current boyfriend is white but such a gentleman and I've been told to 'not bring him back to Malaysia'.
I speak Chinese, am involved in Chinese media, eat Chinese food, go there all the goddamn time but I don't look quite Chinese. My British born Chinese cousins do not speak a word of Chinese, mock Chinese culture and are 'not interested in Asians' and dread the thought of going back to Asia but they look Chinese. So, tough s*** for us I guess but I honestly couldn't be happier being from two different races and cultures - just the life experience you get from living with two contrasting backgrounds makes EAs a lot more tolerant, less ignorant and generally friendlier.
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maow
Full Member
Posts: 363
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Post by maow on Oct 19, 2008 14:33:19 GMT -5
As mentioned from others, alot of this will pass as you get older. Nonetheless that doesnt help with your current state of mind with regards to how you feel. I empathize with you and even at my age it still gets to me from time to time but as not as much as before.
1. Just WHAT does an EA have to do to gain acceptance into the hearts of their asian side?
IMO I wouldnt look at gaining acceptance. People will find you as they find you. You will always, always find some who will scrutinize everything; from the way you look, your grasp of the language, your cultural knowledge etc. I know its difficult, but dont let their issues about your identity become your issues. You and I dont see a problem and neither should others; if they have some? let them get on with it whilst you get on with your life. You are developing yourself and that is all that matters. IMO, if 'those' type of people over step their boundaries and are hell bent in making you feel uncomfortable; stand your ground and tell them off.
2. HOW does an EA belong or fit in with the culture that they are supposedly 1/2 of?
I think finding a school or teacher to learn Chinese; one that you are obviously comfortable with is part of the key here. If you go with a private teacher (assuming its within your means to hire one) I would hope that your teacher will take you into the community to practice. I think this could be an opportunity to see more of the culture and engage with the people there. Also if you get on with your Chinese relatives, go out with them more often. When I went back to HK this summer (some 10 years since I was there) I was out with my relatives as much as possible and enjoyed every minute of it. My Cantonese is very rusty but after while it got better, made a lot of errors but at least was able to get some degree of conversation flow. Even with the locals, they saw that I was trying and any of the discrepancies I have with the tone and vocabulary wasnt an issue. The fact that I was able to communicate was enough and thats the important thing here. Of course there were a few exceptions but you have to accept that.
I am also in the process myself of looking into Chinese studies. This, for me, is going to be a life long experience. I dont doubt that I will have encounter stumbles along the way, whether its finding the right course, getting frustrated with myself in not "getting it" right all the time. You shouldnt be expected to either. I do this for my own development and that is all that matters.
Take care now my dear.
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devinsky
New Member
Polish,mongol,metis,gaelic,african.
Posts: 43
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Post by devinsky on Oct 20, 2008 18:48:11 GMT -5
well man i feel your pain! in most places it seems races stick together, unfortunately none of the ethnicities that i am generally accept me because i am so mixed. but on the other hand my advice to you is F*ck people that dont like you for what you look like. i used to fight Cultural organizations to be a member to no avail, it's not worth it. You should respect your elders but if they are racially profiling you based on being mixed then find some new elders to ask for advice. The Metis federation of Manitoba wont accept me based on the fact that i am Lakota and not Cree or Ojibway. but the Crimean Tatar association accepted me even though i am Polish Lipka Tatar. so i guess if it's really important to find a place in the community, dont stop searching! hang in there man!
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devinsky
New Member
Polish,mongol,metis,gaelic,african.
Posts: 43
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Post by devinsky on Oct 20, 2008 18:56:11 GMT -5
As mentioned from others, alot of this will pass as you get older. Nonetheless that doesnt help with your current state of mind with regards to how you feel. I empathize with you and even at my age it still gets to me from time to time but as not as much as before. 1. Just WHAT does an EA have to do to gain acceptance into the hearts of their asian side?IMO I wouldnt look at gaining acceptance. People will find you as they find you. You will always, always find some who will scrutinize everything; from the way you look, your grasp of the language, your cultural knowledge etc. I know its difficult, but dont let their issues about your identity become your issues. You and I dont see a problem and neither should others; if they have some? let them get on with it whilst you get on with your life. You are developing yourself and that is all that matters. IMO, if 'those' type of people over step their boundaries and are hell bent in making you feel uncomfortable; stand your ground and tell them off. 2. HOW does an EA belong or fit in with the culture that they are supposedly 1/2 of?I think finding a school or teacher to learn Chinese; one that you are obviously comfortable with is part of the key here. If you go with a private teacher (assuming its within your means to hire one) I would hope that your teacher will take you into the community to practice. I think this could be an opportunity to see more of the culture and engage with the people there. Also if you get on with your Chinese relatives, go out with them more often. When I went back to HK this summer (some 10 years since I was there) I was out with my relatives as much as possible and enjoyed every minute of it. My Cantonese is very rusty but after while it got better, made a lot of errors but at least was able to get some degree of conversation flow. Even with the locals, they saw that I was trying and any of the discrepancies I have with the tone and vocabulary wasnt an issue. The fact that I was able to communicate was enough and thats the important thing here. Of course there were a few exceptions but you have to accept that. I am also in the process myself of looking into Chinese studies. This, for me, is going to be a life long experience. I dont doubt that I will have encounter stumbles along the way, whether its finding the right course, getting frustrated with myself in not "getting it" right all the time. You shouldnt be expected to either. I do this for my own development and that is all that matters. Take care now my dear. that's some really good advice! i gotta agree, my buddy is Hapa Filipino, and the biggest thing the Filipina women always bug him about is that he cant speak Tagalog! Language is probably the most imporant assett to a culture, it's world view! |
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Post by ConceptDesign on Oct 29, 2008 17:13:32 GMT -5
I've heard similar stories to the one Pandaroo has experienced. Where I grew-up Chinese weren't that common and the ones I knew around were friends of the family. However my ABC cousins discovered that the university Australian Chinese societies were dominated by FOBS. As such the really didn't really like dinki-di chinks and were less than welcoming. She even told me about a case where some little bitch gave her a hard time because her cantonese had an Aussie accent!
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 4, 2008 17:23:02 GMT -5
@pandaroo
Are you still in Sydney? My girlfriend is Nordic/Chinese and runs her own ministry which is an outreach of Hillsong. She's very insistent and proud of her Chinese culture and don't worry, she's not a religious "churchie". Speaks Mandarin and English.
If not however, just know that in the end instead of trying to belong to either group, see yourself as an individual, take aspects of cultures which you respect, and leave out the rest. Same goes with religion, philosophy or culture.
Anglo Australia is becoming very Americanised but they don't mean any harm, they are just ignorant. Chinese culture tends to be disclusive of mixed heritaged people as well. Just accept that as how it is with civilisation, and be your own woman apart from all this mess.
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Yoomy
Junior Member
Posts: 175
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Post by Yoomy on Dec 5, 2008 17:57:05 GMT -5
wow, you totally summed up majority of things i have done.. loll!! i have done the same thing with the cd's because my mum was "too lazy" to teach my brother and I her mother tongue!!!I too found the cd's a waste of time lol!!!
I also find that chinese in the generation who are in their late 20's, early 30's are quite arrogant towards EA's..from my personal experience anyway.
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Post by Paddy on Dec 5, 2008 19:21:07 GMT -5
what is so great about the Chinese (not that they aren't) that you feel so strongly the need to be accepted by them? Striving to understand one's cultural heritage is key for anyone regardless of their ethnic background. It puts us in context and it puts us at ease. It's fine to say that you should be happy with who you are. But who are you?? I would implore anyone to venture into the past for self-guidance. Have a go at the languages that will open cultural doors for you. Don't underestimate the importance of race, for like it or not, this is a world the discriminates along lines of race (as well as every other human factor) and if we dismiss that then we cannot understand reality. That is not to say that we too should act upon racial/cultural/ethnic and other discriminatory stereotypes. These things should be unimportant, but they are not. To defeat racism is to render it unimportant - that comes from enlightened understanding. This is the journey of discovery for the culturally dislocated. Don't dismiss as frivolous the powerful draw of one's roots. Reconciling (the many facets of) our identities makes us whole. And even if it means nothing to you, your children will thank you for it. The journey is a personal one, and while naturally we seek acceptance from those around us, it all starts from self-acceptance. |
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 6, 2008 0:24:28 GMT -5
great advice  I guess I'm lucky in respect to Koreans... I look Korean, I speak crappy Korean and much too little but I barely have an accent... and they accept me. My family is very loving and isn't upset that I don't speak Korean fluently. They're amazed at every word I write correctly, they appreciate it if I can speak but they're not mad if I can't. Strangers have told me that in their eyes I'm Korean, too, and smiled at me while saying so... My best friend isn't as lucky. She's also half-Korean but she looks neither Korean nor German. She doesn't feel accepted by Koreans and is giving herself a hard time. I also told her that she shouldn't care about those ppl who don't accept her and that she must know as what she identifies and that she shouldn't want to learn more Korean only b/c others expect it from her.  You are very fortunate indeed It's a common misconception though that language is one possible tool for 'fitting in' with a specific culture. My gf has only a mere shade of Chinese on her face, looking almost completely Swedish which for time she considered it as unfortunate in terms of fitting in. She tried to make up for this by speaking fluent Mandarin! Heh it didn't work, she was still seen as a foreigner. To find acceptance she resorted to many means, and in past relationships she was only desired for her 'exoticness' and nothing else. In the end this pushed her to be her own independent individual. Though she is in touch with both her cultures, I can't really see her belonging to either group. Yet even being isolated, she's perfectly healthy To be honest even though I am mixed myself along with many of my people, it still surprised me how identity issues like this exist and how many cultures fail to accept those born of mixed heritage. My father is halfie, but in relation to traditional central-asian culture this is nothing new, as we consider all people humans in the end. Together me and gf have actually made a conclusion why issues such as this exists, doing research on the issues of race, history behind the invention of racialism between cultures, and today's modern society. But I'm not so sure whether such an article would be so well viewed. |
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Post by Altan on Dec 6, 2008 4:47:48 GMT -5
^The East is very careful. The West if you give a logical reason than it accepts.
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Post by Altan on Dec 6, 2008 5:16:39 GMT -5
^It is like that in Japan. To get an identity of a land takes time especially in the East. They have to know EVERYTHING about you...trust is hard won. Skeptical and trust issues are normal. Once they trust you than it is good...but it is hard earned.
For me at least I would tell them I am in there space and my lineage to someone that they can relate to....ancestrally...that they know from the area. Than they are REALLY cool...well in Japan that is. Since Korea is very similar I would suspect...I feel they would give a similar reception?
Though I do take reverance to all my line and they are me... sooo if they look in my eyes...when they do they will see the truth.
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 6, 2008 11:26:13 GMT -5
I still think it depends on the culture or society, though. Not all but many Germans will accept me if my mother tongue is German. I have no Portuguese heritage, though part of my family is sorta Portuguese as my half-sister is German-Portuguese and my dad lives w/ her and her mom in Portugal. I picked up Portuguese (listening comprehension) as a kid through the contact to them eventhough no one ever talked Portuguese to me. I took grammar classes when I was in university and am now fluent. Again I have little accent in this language and it happened to me several times that strangers said "oh sorry, I didn't know you were Portuguese!" after they heard me speak. So there are cultures where ppl bond via language. Yup, you are correct. It differs between cultures. In Russia or much of the steppe of Central Asia, no matter your look if you identity yourself as Russian or Turk or Mongol, you are automatically accepted as one. But language and personal culture plays a stronger role in these countries. Well she has been complimented many times of being to speak perfect and fluent Mandarin. Although I don't understand Mandarin, it sounds like she's been speaking it since very young. When we are amongst pure Chinese people and she speaks to them in Mandarin I never could spot a difference in how she speaks compared to the others. So far, no one has commented about an accent. ;D Well Lets just say in the traditional Eurasia on the steppes, there is a lot of acceptance in how people end up looking. Comparing the non-racialist cultures of the steppes with modern racialist ones in the West or East, it helps give an example of how an ideal society for Eurasians should be like. Unfortunately this also brings conflict in the form of "culture shocks". |
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Yoomy
Junior Member
Posts: 175
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Post by Yoomy on Dec 7, 2008 6:22:51 GMT -5
I think the best thing to do is to not think too much about being an EA and how segregated you feel from other races. When I was younger, I used to feel really frustrated because I am EA and didn't know anyone who was EA either.
Now I am in my late 20's, I think that if people don't respect me for who I am as a person, then they aren't worth knowing..nor are they worth taking seriously to the point that I am feeling frustrated in myself for being an EA. To be honest, I don't care anymore whether people don't understand my cultural background. The people who matter in my life don't think this is an issue and do understand where I come from without making a big deal out of it.
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