|
Post by JohnCoolYoungHistory on Apr 18, 2008 0:33:13 GMT -5
Disclaimer: This post's title may seem contradictory to my other thread on the topic of Guys and Girls (that they find attractive) Cannot Be Friends... rest assured my story backs it up.
I'm nearly 23 and I met for the first time in 4 years a girl I am truly attracted to and have amazing chemistry with. I am -so- attracted to her that I refused to hit on her/come on to her for the 2 months I've known her for the fear of becoming the pursuer. If I've learned anything in the dating world, it's that if you want to nab a girl, there's got to be a chase... and at one point she girl has to come to you, because they want what they can't have.
And for a while, I thought it was working. I see her once every Sunday at a school meeting, and every week I see her, our flirtation escalates mostly at her initiation. I think she enjoys the fact I keep my distance from her instead of throwing myself at her like most guys would.
This last Sunday I met her was the most straightforward flirtation I've seen yet - at 23, after years of trying to shed my naivety about girls and all of the silly games they played, I could have sworn she seriously has a thing for me. And to be honest, I -still- think she has a thing for me. I could've sworn this was the day to finally make my move and ask her out with no worries.
And then she dropped the bomb - she told me the weekend before she went on a date with an amazing guy and how she was looking forward to seeing him again because she had such a great time.
No worries... Only a first date. I then asked her if she wanted to accompany me to a show that weekend and meet up with our mutual friends later - she agreed on the condition she could bring her "date" to the after party...
What the f***!
So I guess I entered the "Friends Zone" and now I need to get out of it before it's too late. Can anyone relate? Anyone got any clever advice?
All I know is it's time for me to stop being a p**** and step up my A Game.
|
|
|
Post by Nilgan on Apr 18, 2008 3:56:54 GMT -5
she might have been waiting for you to make a move and got tired of it, so she moved on.
you either have to tell her how you feel, or just step back from the situation and let her come to you for a while. if she really likes this guys she might not at all, though
|
|
|
Post by straylight on Apr 18, 2008 4:55:21 GMT -5
Heh yeah, you might have waited too long.
Just go for the gusto now dude. Just insist that you only want her to come along. If she says no, then that's that. Just leave it there and try not to make a big deal about it.
|
|
|
Post by viruslabrat on Apr 18, 2008 10:03:27 GMT -5
Not all girls want what they can't have. Some just get frustrated when a guy doesn't return their interest and give up. Yup, you waited too long. You can hope that things don't work out between her and the new guy in the future but if you make a move now you'd be a complete jerk. Perhaps she recognised you as a player and played you too in which case your chances were always going to be zero.
|
|
|
Post by thekrez on Apr 18, 2008 10:37:37 GMT -5
Disclaimer: This post's title may seem contradictory to my other thread on the topic of Guys and Girls (that they find attractive) Cannot Be Friends... rest assured my story backs it up. I'm nearly 23 and I met for the first time in 4 years a girl I am truly attracted to and have amazing chemistry with. I am -so- attracted to her that I refused to hit on her/come on to her for the 2 months I've known her for the fear of becoming the pursuer. If I've learned anything in the dating world, it's that if you want to nab a girl, there's got to be a chase... and at one point she girl has to come to you, because they want what they can't have. And for a while, I thought it was working. I see her once every Sunday at a school meeting, and every week I see her, our flirtation escalates mostly at her initiation. I think she enjoys the fact I keep my distance from her instead of throwing myself at her like most guys would. This last Sunday I met her was the most straightforward flirtation I've seen yet - at 23, after years of trying to shed my naivety about girls and all of the silly games they played, I could have sworn she seriously has a thing for me. And to be honest, I -still- think she has a thing for me. I could've sworn this was the day to finally make my move and ask her out with no worries. And then she dropped the bomb - she told me the weekend before she went on a date with an amazing guy and how she was looking forward to seeing him again because she had such a great time. No worries... Only a first date. I then asked her if she wanted to accompany me to a show that weekend and meet up with our mutual friends later - she agreed on the condition she could bring her "date" to the after party... What the f**k! So I guess I entered the "Friends Zone" and now I need to get out of it before it's too late. Can anyone relate? Anyone got any clever advice? All I know is it's time for me to stop being a p**** and step up my A Game. Fark dude youve made the number one mistake of an Average Frustrated Chump, you went the opposite end of the spectrum and waited too long rather than looking desperate and appearing too quick. Incidentally you have to read The Game. Chicks love push pull, remember while we males are straightforward and honest, the mind of female turns over and over and is devious and cunning "what did he mean by that, is he really saying what I think hes saying, oh my god, i have talk about this with all my girlfriends and have a huge gossip!". They love that sh*t so you have to give it to them. they expect it. In your case you were all pull and no push. Thats where you went wrong. And while it can work it will only work in a case where the girl is already extremely attracted to you which wasnt the case here. For example, it goes from everything to inviting her out and making her think its just a you and her date, and then forgetting to tell her all your mutual friends were invited. Above all be emotionless, be self deprecating, but then show you have the confidence to do whatever the hell you want. She doesnt like you doing something you should do it anyway, because youre the one who DOMINATES. Be positive, most girls are negative as all hell since it comes from every other girl slagging her off growing up. Man I could go on and on about this. Females only become honest with you once they trust you, and you only get to that stage by piquing their interest in the first place. Above all be strong buddy, youre the man, you DOMINATE. Who the hell is she? Some silly female that doesnt know her arse from her head. It would be her PRIVILEGE to date you, not the other way around.
|
|
|
Post by viruslabrat on Apr 18, 2008 10:43:41 GMT -5
Yeah, and I bet you pull all the chicks, Krez . If you read crap like "The Game" expect to lose. You want to know why some guys get more girls than others? Because they're natural and they didn't read books on how to "play" women. Sure, you may score a couple of dates but any woman with self-respect would ditch a guy who saw her as something to be dominated.
|
|
|
Post by thekrez on Apr 18, 2008 11:07:04 GMT -5
I never said I did, but I tell you what, its better than being an AFC. All The Game does is teaches guys who otherwise wouldnt have confidence how to approach women. Being natural? What a joke, thats why guys who take advice from girls on how to attract women never get anywhere. Being natural means saying "der, I like you, wanna go out?". Thats natural. You tell me how many girls would find that attractive. And isnt that a good thing? That otherwise nice, shy guys with no confidence are taught how to overcome their fears? I think it is. Its more about Inner Game than any Outer Game. And no I dont follow it THAT much because it takes too much effort, and can get a bit lame if you take it too seriously Once you learn a few basic things from it thats all you need.
|
|
|
Post by viruslabrat on Apr 18, 2008 11:19:03 GMT -5
I would LOVE it if a guy got to know me a bit and then said "der, I like you, wanna go out?"!!! That guy would totally rock my world Guys who ask you out straight off the bat (like today at the gas station ) are obviously only interested in you for one thing and so it's always going to be a no from me. Shy guys without confidence can only overcome their fears by doing. That is, taking the chance to let a girl their interested in know that they're interested in them. If they're a reasonably good judge of character then the worst that could happen to the guy is a diplomatic "no". No girl who's worth anything would cut down a shy guy if she knew he had taken the time to get to know her as a person. As with anything, you do it a number of times you get over your fears because you've found either your fears were unfounded or you've experienced the worst that could happen.
|
|
|
Post by honeyviper on Apr 18, 2008 13:00:29 GMT -5
Do you think that she may have wanted to study your reaction to the "bomb drop"? To feel you out and see what you would say about it? Maybe she's testing you.
|
|
|
Post by thekrez on Apr 18, 2008 14:15:03 GMT -5
I would LOVE it if a guy got to know me a bit and then said "der, I like you, wanna go out?"!!! That guy would totally rock my world Guys who ask you out straight off the bat (like today at the gas station ) are obviously only interested in you for one thing and so it's always going to be a no from me. Shy guys without confidence can only overcome their fears by doing. That is, taking the chance to let a girl their interested in know that they're interested in them. If they're a reasonably good judge of character then the worst that could happen to the guy is a diplomatic "no". No girl who's worth anything would cut down a shy guy if she knew he had taken the time to get to know her as a person. As with anything, you do it a number of times you get over your fears because you've found either your fears were unfounded or you've experienced the worst that could happen. I cant help but respond 1) No girl says no diplomatically. If they did, they would say "no". What they do is say "Im busy" or "I have a thing on" or numerous other vague phrases. I mean of course, its so obvious that means no! To a guy a diplomatic no is "no, thanks for the interest but I dont like you". Name me how many girls have the guts to say that? Yet its the most diplomatic thing to say to a guy to show you arent interested. 2) Your key phrase was, "a guy who had got to know me a bit". How do you think he got to know you in the first place? By piquing your interest? By making you think? By being a bit mysterious maybe? By making you NOT think he was just a nice, shy guy who didnt have the guts to approach you? Thats all the game teaches you, how to build that initial trust, the rest is up to who you are as a person. The bizarre thing is, once you build that initial trust, most girls realise the decent human being underneath, you just have to get past all the s*** barriers girls have built up over the years. 3) Last and final point, being a reasonably good judge of character. Name me a guy who can judge anything about a woman. Of course we cant. No one teaches us anything. Apparently we are just meant to "know" and "feel it". That doesnt happen. We like someone we go for it. We dont we wont. Its as simple as that. I dont claim to know everything and god knows Im nowhere near as good as some PUAs I have seen in action. But I know enough to know you 1) Never, ever take the advice of a female giving advice on how to attract females and 2) anything is better than being an AFC.
|
|
|
Post by JohnCoolYoungHistory on Apr 18, 2008 14:27:02 GMT -5
Do you think that she may have wanted to study your reaction to the "bomb drop"? To feel you out and see what you would say about it? Maybe she's testing you. I thought about this... however I think her motives are still mostly sincere. What boggles my mind is I know she genuinely likes this new guy but has become increasingly forward/flirtateous with me despite the fact. There is the possibility she treats all of her guy friends this way, but I've seen her around plenty of guys, and she really doesn't. But yeah, I was going to insist she comes alone this weekend - just gonna tell her I wanna be selfish and have her all to myself that night :-P So has anyone else ever been in the predicament? Either in the guy's or girl's situation.
|
|
|
Post by thekrez on Apr 18, 2008 14:35:11 GMT -5
Do you think that she may have wanted to study your reaction to the "bomb drop"? To feel you out and see what you would say about it? Maybe she's testing you. I thought about this... however I think her motives are still mostly sincere. What boggles my mind is I know she genuinely likes this new guy but has become increasingly forward/flirtateous with me despite the fact. There is the possibility she treats all of her guy friends this way, but I've seen her around plenty of guys, and she really doesn't. But yeah, I was going to insist she comes alone this weekend - just gonna tell her I wanna be selfish and have her all to myself that night :-P So has anyone else ever been in the predicament? Either in the guy's or girl's situation. FFS. Cat string theory. Google it.
|
|
|
Post by straylight on Apr 18, 2008 19:43:00 GMT -5
Do you think that she may have wanted to study your reaction to the "bomb drop"? To feel you out and see what you would say about it? Maybe she's testing you. So has anyone else ever been in the predicament? Either in the guy's or girl's situation. [quote author=exhale85 board=relationships thread=9283 post=333634 So has anyone else ever been in the predicament? Either in the guy's or girl's situation. [/quote] Yeah just recently actually... met girl, things hit off, then she falls for some other dude, I say OK and leave her alone. I figured we were just friends at that point, yet she still keeps calling me. A month later she breaks up with other dude, and keeps calling me... Finally one day she says "You're not aggressive enough!" Then I realize the whole thing was a game (including the other dude) and don't speak to her again. I hate games. Anyone who tries to make me look like a fool that early on will inevitably do worse things in an actual relationship.
|
|
|
Post by viruslabrat on Apr 18, 2008 21:11:04 GMT -5
I would LOVE it if a guy got to know me a bit and then said "der, I like you, wanna go out?"!!! That guy would totally rock my world Guys who ask you out straight off the bat (like today at the gas station ) are obviously only interested in you for one thing and so it's always going to be a no from me. Shy guys without confidence can only overcome their fears by doing. That is, taking the chance to let a girl their interested in know that they're interested in them. If they're a reasonably good judge of character then the worst that could happen to the guy is a diplomatic "no". No girl who's worth anything would cut down a shy guy if she knew he had taken the time to get to know her as a person. As with anything, you do it a number of times you get over your fears because you've found either your fears were unfounded or you've experienced the worst that could happen. I cant help but respond 1) No girl says no diplomatically. If they did, they would say "no". What they do is say "Im busy" or "I have a thing on" or numerous other vague phrases. I mean of course, its so obvious that means no! To a guy a diplomatic no is "no, thanks for the interest but I dont like you". Name me how many girls have the guts to say that? Yet its the most diplomatic thing to say to a guy to show you arent interested. 2) Your key phrase was, "a guy who had got to know me a bit". How do you think he got to know you in the first place? By piquing your interest? By making you think? By being a bit mysterious maybe? By making you NOT think he was just a nice, shy guy who didnt have the guts to approach you? Thats all the game teaches you, how to build that initial trust, the rest is up to who you are as a person. The bizarre thing is, once you build that initial trust, most girls realise the decent human being underneath, you just have to get past all the sh*t barriers girls have built up over the years. 3) Last and final point, being a reasonably good judge of character. Name me a guy who can judge anything about a woman. Of course we cant. No one teaches us anything. Apparently we are just meant to "know" and "feel it". That doesnt happen. We like someone we go for it. We dont we wont. Its as simple as that. I dont claim to know everything and god knows Im nowhere near as good as some PUAs I have seen in action. But I know enough to know you 1) Never, ever take the advice of a female giving advice on how to attract females and 2) anything is better than being an AFC. 1) I have told a couple of guys that have asked me out that I wasn't interested in them. I wasn't mean about and though they looked dejected/embarrassed I'm sure they got over it soon enough. 2) Yeah, a guy has to get you interested to make you hang around long enough to have a decent conversation so he can get to know you. A guy does NOT do this by pretending to be something he's not (ie. a dominating bastard when he's really a nice, shy guy or all mysterious when he's your regular guy-next-door type). I still believe only a girl who wants to fall for this act will or only a woman who's had too much too drink at the bar. 3) So in other words, you're guided by your pants. If a girl's a complete bitch you will still go after her like your life depended on it just for any sex. A woman's personality has no effect on your attraction whatsoever. Um, good luck with that. I'm sure you'll come across many quality partners ;P
|
|
|
Post by ChickenSoda on Apr 18, 2008 22:17:19 GMT -5
|
|