Raising a EA daughter

[happymom]

Hi, I am new to this forum, but I'm not EA. My 1.5 year daughter is. I'm a first time mother. I'm Taiwanese and my husband is Swedish. We met in US but now we're living in Sweden for 3 years.

My daughter is so young, so cute and we love her very much. Meanwhile, I'm very much aware it could be very different experience growing up as an EA.

Can you share some experience that you feel positive/negative about your parents' method handling certain things? I don't know exactly what I'm asking...

Hummm...for example, any multi-lingual pp here? How do you find extra home language? Annoying or appreciating?

I hope you don't mind if I hang out here from time to time?
I just hope to be a good mom raising my daughter.

[admin]

Welcome! There are moms in your shoes here, and I hope they can add to this thread. Also, many EA "children" can add their input, I am sure. I look forward to the responses and I hope you enjoy your stay here.

edit: we have some dads too (Can't forget Tom!)

[nemesisgalofdoom]

Hello happymom,

I'm mother for the first time too, and my 1/4th EA Daughter is going to be raised in Europe too !
She is not 100% German, so I want her to be aware about some Asian culture also (language etc - it would be so pitty to raise uo my Daughter so "potato-like" or "farmer-like" like the average German here oO) . Ehm, I dont either know what I'm posting here ;D

[xandra]

I learned a bit of Italian growing up, but barely any vietnamese (just a few words here and there). I really wish that I knew both languages much better, even though I was really resistant when I was younger. That's something I regret, so I would encourage you to raise your daughter with both of your languages, if possible. It will help her feel closer to both of her cultures and her relatives. I know that when I meet some Vietnamese people they are dismissive since I don't speak the language or really look very Viet.

[halfbreed]

^ Agreed. I'm half Chinese and my mother never taught me Mandarin - which kills me (and makes me resent her a little ;D ). Definitely, definitely teach her both Swedish and Mandarin!

[amalgam]

I'm sure she will learn over time that being Eurasian is actually quite a fun thing (Ha ha ha... Wait, ignore that...), and being immersed in many cultures is definitely both awesome and rewarding (understanding in many cultures and/or languages can help in future). I'm English/Irish - Chinese/Indonesian and I know.

[nemesisgalofdoom]

I speak Japanese to my Daugher. My Japanese is fluent and perfekt (except reading and wirting ) - its even better than my German.
My mother only spoke Japanese wirth me b*cause she don't speak German ........ ;D Ok, now she does (after living 20 years here), but it's a bit terrible haha

[Kush]

All I can say is make her learn Mandarin. She might hate it at first but if she never learns she will regret it majorly later on in life, especially if she looks very Taiwanese. Also very handy with relatives.

Try and be cool if she wants to discuss race/racism with you, don't tell her to suck it up or anything stupid like that.

And yeah, hang out here as much as you want

[xandra]

^

agreed!

[halfbreed]

Feb 17, 2009 18:01:25 GMT -5 Kush said:

All I can say is make her learn Mandarin. She might hate it at first but if she never learns she will regret it majorly later on in life, especially if she looks very Taiwanese.

Yep. My mother sent me to Chinese school when I was around 7. I threw a fit. Don't wait too late to start teaching!

[heisei]

I am half and I wish I knew my language. Since I am American, it is okay to only speak English, but I really regret not knowing Tagalog or Mandarin (My mom is filipino-chinese). It is confusing, so make sure she understands that she is fully part of both cultures; not rejected by both (my brother once told me we should live in the middle of the ocean because he feels like he doesn't belong in either society). ^^ But it is good being mixed, so I hope she grows up loving both cultures!

[Groink]

Definitely teach your daughter any language that she won't be normally exposed to. If you have to, send her to classes after school. Maybe she'll loathe it as a child, but she will absolutely thank you for it later on.

And just be forthcoming with any questions she may have about who she is. Cook her some Taiwanese food, too. She shouldn't be spared stinky tofu!

[jefe]

Feb 17, 2009 18:01:25 GMT -5 Kush said:

All I can say is make her learn Mandarin. She might hate it at first but if she never learns she will regret it majorly later on in life, especially if she looks very Taiwanese. Also very handy with relatives.

Try and be cool if she wants to discuss race/racism with you, don't tell her to suck it up or anything stupid like that.

And yeah, hang out here as much as you want

I agree, except for "if she looks very Taiwanese" because that could be a very subjective interpretation that varies from day to day and person to person. Actually, I think that this factor is not THAT relevant (as it does not change what her actual family background is.)

However, I can never understand why parents are so reluctant to teach their children about their background, their spouse's background, as well as the background of the community that they live in. I earnestly call upon all parents to erase this terrible misconception in their mind that they will confuse the children. Indeed, failure to teach the children make cause more confusion for the child.

It is possible that the child may reject some or all parts of their background. However, this places the choice on the child, which is infinitely better than having the choice made for them by the parent (which I feel is actually quite selfish on the part of the parent). At least the child will not say that they wish that their parent taught them something -- they will instead say that they wish that they paid more attention to it when they were young.

So, teach them Mandarin, Taiwanese, Hakka, English, Swedish and whatever else will be useful for them. Do not worry that it will confuse the child and as a result, WITHHOLD anything from them.

Another issue -- non-Eurasian parents of Eurasian children have never experienced growing up Eurasian, so do not simply dismiss experiences that they have as they occur. Instead, try to understand them as your child experiences them and use them to increase and expand YOUR own understanding.

[catgirl]

I grew up with my dad and brothers after the age of 5 years. Our mum taught us English as children, and we eventually learnt Norwegian in kindergarden and at school.

But our dad never managed to teach us Vietnamese, although we lived together most of our lives. So we had a strange kind of way of communicating. We learnt broken english, in order to communicate with him. But I quickly corrected myself for it when I became a teenager or so. I dont always understand what hes saying with words, but still I can understand what he was saying.

Another thing that might be common for eurasian kids, is that they might be mistaken for another ethnicity than their parents. Some people found it hard to believe that he was my dad for example.

But I would say its a great opportunity to learn alot of stuff, having a multicultural family ;D Good luck!

[Julz 33]

Hi happymom,

I agree with Jefe. As a second generation eurasian (my dad is 1/2 Chinese and Scottish/Irish), I think it can only help your daughter if you expose her to both cultures, Taiwanese and Swedish. There are several times that I wish I knew Cantonese like my grandfather or even more about my Irish heritage as opposed to pictures only shown to me in my twenties. Despite not knowing Cantonese, some of my fondest memories were of my father taking me to Chinese movies in downtown Toronto and seeing my aunt perform highland dancing, thus exposing me to the cultures that were my heritage and theirs as well. By expressing your love of your culture and that of your husband you are opening up a wide array of opportunities for your daughter, memories, adventures, language that no book can impart. You can be that gift of tradition that your daughter will appreciate in later years by sharing your experiences and knowledge of your culture.